Perspectives and Responses

I met Mary for lunch and we talked about Dolly. She confided in me that Dolly is a high maintenance individual and has practically sapped the energy off her and her friends. Leaving them very frustrated. As a result, some have quit from the relationship.

Mary is not the only person who feels that Dolly is a difficult person in the group. Almost everyone does. But Dolly does not perceive her behavior towards others as a problem.

I do think it is impossible to consistently behave in a manner that is inconsistent with the way we see ourselves. Understandably, this is also the cause of many marital problems. For example, if a husband has an irate wife and there are irreconcialiable differences, chances are she is an unforgiving person and has lots of negative emotions bottled within her. She merely saw her husband the way she is. She, therefore, vents her anger on her husband. The marriage cannot be reconciled unless she is willing to perceive the other in good light and forms a connection with her husband. This will necessitate a change in the way she perceives herself.

How about a submissive wife? In this case, she perceives herself as being incapable of making good (and sound) decisions. Therefore, it is better for him to make all the decisions and stay away from trouble. =). If he makes the wrong decision, both of them lose. Such a relationship is not sustainable because both parties do not develop their character and will eventually grow apart. It is in periods of adversity and trial that the true test of character is revealed and when they realise they needed each others values and opinions. We call it synergy.

In the case of Dolly, who wants to be the leader and most influential member in the group, her actions have been perceived by others as being undesirable. Sometimes she is offensive and at other times she can be inconsiderate or authoritative because she does not value the opinions of others. In this scenario, she perceives herself as a leader who ought to be in control and do everything herself (otherwise everything falls apart). As a teacher, she has probably perceived the need for her to be authoritative or risk a bunch of school boys climbing over her head.... chaotic eh? See the big picture now?

It is my character to perceive my strengths for directions I should take in my life. But I perceive from others' perspectives in order to appreciate their goodness and also to form a connection with them. My strength lies with my ability to unconditionally love someone. The greater the feeling of love, the better I feel about life and me.

If I perceive things from another's point of view, I gain an understanding of their behavior and learn to connect with them. Would I have done the same if I were in her shoes. Frankly, I do think I would if I were constantly operating in her environment. That is why I knew right from the start, I can never teach a bunch of students in a class. I think just about 2 to 3 school boys is all I can handle without raising my blood pressure!!

When I learn to understand and perceive things in her shoe, it is easier for me to calm down and respond favorably. I can't choose the way she treats me or others, but I can choose my response towards her. There are many difficult people in this imperfect world, are you going to spend your entire life bearing grudges, criticising and complain about them. Get a life!

In choosing our response, we should focus on the good attributes in others. You will be a much happier person and can respond to others in a loving way. Besides, you will never know, maybe oneday I will be working for her..=)..LOL.